Thursday, April 4, 2013

Emotional Vampires

Let's talk about vampires.

Not the Stoker kind, or even the Twilight kind (okay, REALLY not the Twilight kind). Instead, let's discuss emotional vampires.

Emotional vampires take what they want from people to satisfy their own needs, then move on. They may call these attachments "relationships," but those they drain probably see them as "mistakes."

Emotional vampires don't consider the feelings, needs, or desires of those they use. They lure them in with good looks, or sex, or infatuation, or something else shiny and pretty. Once their victims are hooked, vampires use them to get what they want: validation, sexual fulfillment, status, money. They take what they want without regard for the consequences to their victim.

Then, when they're done, they disappear. This can be an actual distance vanishing, in which the victim and their circle of friends never see the vampire again, or an emotional one, in which the vampire simply cuts off contact with their bewildered victim.

In either case, the victim is usually left stunned, wondering what just happened. They may decide to blame themselves for things going wrong ("If only I hadn't texted so much!") or desperately pursue their vampire in an attempt to reconcile. They may become fearful of future emotional attachments to others, leaving them lonely later in life. A few will likely realize they've been horribly used, and attempt to move on as best they can.

Beware these vampires. Learn to recognize them before they drain you. Some warning signs:
A vampire:
  • Promises a perfect, wonderful relationship in the early stages of courtship.
  • Has a lot of exes they never see or speak to.
  • Stops speaking to you for long periods of time so they can "think about their feelings" instead of discussing problems with you.
  • Is constantly facing an emotional crisis that demands time and attention.
  • Is only available on their schedule; is never available if you ask to see them.
  • Sets double standards on the terms of your relationship (e.g. it's okay for them to flirt with other people, but not okay for you to).
  • Takes no responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
  • Never attempts to make things right with those they've wronged.

Have you been involved with an emotional vampire? Please share your experience!

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