The Romeo Rose Trainwreck

Actual photo from Rose's website

By now you've likely seen Romeo Rose's website. If you haven't, go take a look. (It's often under too much traffic to work, so check the mirror if you get an error.)

TL;DR version: this guy apparently sucks at finding his own girlfriends, so he wants to pay you $2500 to find one for him. Bonus $1000 if they get married!

(Let's stop for a moment to snicker about his outrage that a pimp contacted him. Because paying someone to find you a girl? Why would that EVER imply a pimp would be involved?!)

So, we'll leave aside the racist and general douchey stuff because mocking racism is just too easy to really be fun.

What I want to know is this: when did it become okay to sell women?

I realize this isn't trafficking. Far from it. However, what Rose proposes is a financial transaction between himself and another person in which he offers money in exchange for a woman. The woman, presumably, gets only the pleasure (torture?) of being his girlfriend.

I'm gonna go out on a very short limb and suggest that, if a woman were to present herself to him as a dating option, he probably wouldn't pay her the 2500 bucks.

How in the holy hell did he ever decide this was okay?

"Wait," you may be thinking, "sites like eHarmony and Match.com charge fees. How is this different?"

True, some dating sites do charge fees. But both people involved agree to those terms. Matchmaking, in which a neutral third-party acts as a go-between for potential mates, is a fair way to look for a partner.

That's not what's happening here. This is two parties, Rose and Person X, deciding to send a woman with no vested interest in the situation to date Rose. She may not even know what's going on. Nowhere does he stipulate that his dates must know about his site or the transaction.

In fact, he explicitly condemns the idea of someone finding him a girl and splitting the money with her after payment is received. Again, to him, this is prostitution. If only the pimp gets paid though, apparently it's okay. But let's not say "pimp" because that's gross!

The only good thing about this website? Now I know what this guy looks like, so I can be sure to avoid interactions with him.

Consent--No is Less Important than Yes

Photo courtesy of Doug Wheller

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been an internet brouhaha over rape culture and slut-shaming, inspired by Kim Hall's open letter to teenage girls. Many folks have sounded off with incredibly good stuff (like this post from a father to his son, this post showing another mother's reaction, and this post detailing the way another mother handles teenage sexuality). I've posted twice in response: once in direct response, and again regarding what rape culture doesn't look like.

And that brings me to consent. We hear all the time about how "no means no," and it's true, but the fact is, it's rare that anybody says "no." Maybe eventually they do, but things have already gone too far at that point, and the rapist probably already knew that person didn't want to have sex with them.

So let's stop this nonsense rhetoric about "no means no" and start talking about "yes means yes."

This is not a new concept. People who have really awesome sex, especially those who speak or write publicly about it, just can't shut up about enthusiastic consent. Why? Because it's totally clear and unambiguous, and leads to really awesome sex.

The "no means no" line implies that a lack of "no" is the same as consent. If a woman just lies back and takes it, she must be consenting. Never mind that she might be unconscious or afraid to make things stop. Never mind that she might have been threatened, coerced, or otherwise forced into letting things happen. She's not flailing at you with her fists and screaming, so she must have consented.

"Yes means yes" turns this on its head. It means that, if your partner doesn't outright state their desire to have sex with you, you don't have their consent. No more "it wasn't rape because she wasn't awake to say no." No more "it wasn't rape because, after I held her down so she couldn't leave, she let me have sex with her."

People don't say "no" for all kinds of reasons. They don't want to hurt your feelings. They're nervous. They're afraid of what might happen if they turn you down. They're unsure of what they want. Regardless, silence isn't taken for consent in most situations, so why should sex be different?

If you asked your girlfriend, "Do you want a Hawaiian vacation for your birthday?" and she didn't say anything, would you buy plane tickets? If you asked someone at the grocery store, "I only have one item, do you mind if I check out ahead of you?" and they stared determinedly into space, would you cut in front of them? Why is it that "you didn't say no" applies only to sex?

There's some misconception about asking for consent and getting a yes that it somehow makes things less sexy. This, friends, is total bullshit. What could be sexier than whispering in your partner's ear all the things you want to do, and asking if they're ready to do them? Or hearing them tell you exactly how they want to fuck you, then responding enthusiastically? Enthusiastic consent makes sex better, both in that you'll get turned on by your partner's sexy "yes, oh please, yes!" and by knowing what to do to please them. You simply cannot go wrong.

Also remember, you are not asking for permission, you are investigating desire. It's far, far sexier to say, "Do you want me to fuck you now?" than it is to say, "May I fuck you now?" It also opens better communication. Maybe your partner's answer will be, "No, I want you to give me a blowjob, then I want to give you one." Maybe it will be, "I want it, but not just yet, warm me up with your fingers first." Or possibly, "No, baby, let me fuck you." No matter what, you'll know exactly how to proceed, and you won't have killed the mood in the process.

It's important to point out that getting consent never goes away. No matter how long you've been together, no matter if you're married or living together or just had sex a minute ago, you need to get consent every time. Consent for previous sex doesn't count for current sex, and consent for one act doesn't count for another.

So tell me, do you want to have sex with someone who lets you fuck them, or with someone who wants you to fuck them?

Men I Know Who Aren't Rapists

Photo courtesy of Paul Bica

I posted last week about rape culture and how it's buoyed by telling girls to be ashamed of their sexuality and telling boys they can't help themselves when it comes to sex.

Let's talk now about adults. I'm an adult, and I only have sex with adults, and, really, I almost exclusively interact with adults. And all of us grew up hearing the "boys will be boys" and "good girls are virgins" lines. Yet some of us learned to think differently. I want to tell you what can happen when, as a community, we empower all people to control their own bodies and sexualities.

I have been a member of microcommunities that place a high value on autonomy, respect, and responsibility. The principles on which they operate state that each person is solely responsible for their experience of the world. The only way someone can force you to do something is through physical force, coercion, or extortion, all of which are illegal and rightly should be punished. Thus, people in these communities don't believe the myth that girls should be pure or that boys are lustful, uncontrollable animals.

Within these communities, at some events, I have been naked. Sometimes it was for art, or self expression, but mostly it was just because I like being naked. I understand that it may have aroused some people. Hell, sometimes, that was the point. Sometimes, when I was naked, I was also having sex. In front of people. Men, even. Some of whom I didn't even know.

And do you know what? None of them raped me. Not even close. I never even felt as though it was a possibility. Some of these men have seen me like this on multiple occasions, and, far from lusting after me uncontrollably, they treat me with respect and dignity.

I'll give you a second to consider that. I have had hot, wild, animalistic sex in front of men I barely knew and, afterward, they treated me with the respect that should be afforded to all human beings.

I have been a giant slutty slut in all my slutty glory right there where these guys could see it, and it didn't make them think any awful things about my character (that I know of) or treat me as less of a person or violate me in any way.

Sure, some of them may simply not find me attractive. But, based on statistics alone, probably some of them do, and they still have managed to behave as the rational, thinking, empathetic people they are, rather than vagina-seeking missiles with no control over what happens when they get a boner.

They are great guys, and I don't mean to undermine their character in any way, but they are also normal guys. They have jobs and families and like beer and sports and, well, yes, sex. But they don't think that their penises give them excuse to treat other people badly, and they don't see sex as something they are entitled to if they want it. Not because they are great thinkers with amazing self-control. Because they simply learned to think of people as people and not toys.

If this is possible with these totally normal guys, then it's possible with other totally normal guys who aren't part of microcommunities like ours. Clearly, men can be aroused by other people and still not demean, harass, or abuse them. They can see women as desirable yet still also see them as people and treat them with respect and dignity. They can control their sexual urges, and, if they wish to act on them, make sure they get consent first. (More on consent in a later post!)

If they can do this when a woman is having sex right in front of them, they can do this in any circumstance. There is simply nothing at all a woman can do to cause a man to rape her, and anything you've heard to the contrary is untrue.

I know it's possible some of you are reading this and thinking that I am engaging in very dangerous behavior. Some of you think if I get raped I will have had it coming to me. I desperately want to hear from you. Please comment so that we can have a conversation. I want to know why you think these things.

Why This Well-Meaning Christian Mother is a Symptom of Rape Culture

Photo courtesy of Oteo

I recently came across this article, which I'd love for you to take a few minutes to read. In short, a woman who is the mother of several teenage boys gives advice to the girls they are friends with on Facebook: stop posting sexy photos of yourselves or she will block your accounts so her sons can't see them.

This may seem harmless enough. She's protecting her sons, ensuring what's best for them, right?

Wrong. This attitude is representative of rape culture. Let's examine why.

It presupposes the idea of "good girls" and "bad girls." "Good girls" aren't interested in sex. They keep their virginities intact, to one day be given, like gifts, to the men they marry, or at least men with whom they have meaningful, long-term relationships. When they do have sex, they do so to make babies and to please their men, but never because they really like it. If they happen to like it, they keep quiet about that. "Bad girls," however, are casual and nonchalant about sex, throwing away their purity on whoever is close by. They are dirty and full of disease, and nice boys should avoid them at all costs.

The author says, "We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart." But she determines that posing with "the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout" and "not wearing a bra" betray that these girls actually are not lovely, interesting, or smart. In her mind, a girl can only possess these good qualities, qualities that every girl hopes to have, by not being sexual, and not displaying any sexuality.

In reality, none of this is the case. Young women, like young men, discover their sexualities in their teens, typically. As they begin to understand their attraction to other people, they realize that some people are attracted to them. This is a brand new thing for them, and of course they want to experiment with it. They discover how to show off body parts they've only recently grown into: breasts, hips, waists. They play up their facial features with makeup. They learn to flirt, and to be flirted with in response. They find the pleasure we all find in kissing deeply, in fondling, in sexual play. They begin to have orgasms, and consider whether those can come from intercourse.

The second disturbing assumption the post makes is that boys will be boys, and the only thing we can do is to limit their exposure to temptresses. Says the author, "Once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it." She asks, "You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?"

This woman, who clearly loves her sons dearly, gives them no credit at all for being thinking, reasonable humans. She assumes that their sexual desire is so out of control, so beyond their capacity to manage, that posing for a sexy photo means they can't help but have sex with you.

What kind of message does this send to young people? To this woman's sons? That they can have no control of their sexual behavior? That seeing a girl "in a state of undress" gives boys excuse to objectify her? That once a woman becomes an object of sexual desirability, she loses all value and is thus no longer worthy of being anything but a fuck toy?

Why is it okay for boys to have rampant sex drives that can barely be held in check, but girls are not allowed to want sex? Why is a boy who wants sex just a boy, but a girl who wants sex is a stupid, uninteresting slut?

Further, if a boy has been told his sex drive is beyond his control, and he can't help wanting to have sex with girls in sexy poses, how is he to respond when one of those girls actually wants sex? This assumption gives him no ability to say no. She's naked, he's hard; the only conclusion he can reach is that he must fuck her, even if he actually has reservations.

All of this is pure nonsense, and incredibly harmful. Sexual exploration and discovery is a normal part of being a teenager, for both boys and girls. Both genders think they know far more than they actually do about it, and both tend to make lots of mistakes. Both desperately want to be desired and accepted.

But perpetuating this idea that all boys want sex to the point of having no ability to hold themselves back, while only slutty, unworthy girls want sex, creates the environment in which rape happens. If he's been told he can't help himself, why should he try? How can a young woman not think it was her fault if a boy forces himself on her, if she was so terribly tempting?

We must change the way we talk to young people about sex. More than that, we must change the way we think about sex. Sex is normal, healthy, and the reason all of us exist. It isn't a gift to be hoarded by women and clamored over by men. It isn't a commodity women trade for security and safety. It is a basic activity that is fundamental to human nature, and, like eating and sleeping, we control when and how we do it.

We must expand the conversation from telling girls how to say no. Girls and boys alike should know how to say no, but they should also know how to say yes. They should know how to tell someone what they want and what they aren't comfortable with. They should be able to define their own limits, and respect limits others set.

Most importantly, we must teach them that they are the only ones who control their bodies. No amount of sultry poses can force a boy to have sex with a girl. No lack of clothing can relinquish a girl's right to say no.

Let's change the conversation we have with our kids about sex, and see if we can put an end to tragedies like Steubenville.

Out

I have made a decision. I am going to stop hiding the person I am, the choices I make, and the beliefs I hold dear. I have hidden these things as a result of fear. I still feel that fear. I am terrified of losing friends. Clients. Family members. I am afraid of being personally attacked (and I don't just mean verbally). I fear being singled out, denied my rights and safety, hunted down and abused for things over which I have little or no control.

But I will no longer lie about them or keep them to myself.

Today, I blend my business and my identities. Today, I "come out."

I am polyamorous. This means I have multiple committed, loving relationships simultaneously. It also means that, sometimes, in addition to those, I have casual relationships (these can, of course, turn into committed ones). Right now I am dating two men, both of whom I have been with for about a year and a half. I love them both deeply and cannot imagine my life without either. They both have other partners as well. I have written fairly extensively about polyamory in this blog, so if this post is your introduction to it, please feel free to peruse my old entries. I hope they will be informative and enjoyable.

I am bisexual. I don't know when I realized I was attracted to women, but in retrospect I have always felt things for women that I couldn't describe properly. I have dated only one woman, and then only casually, but I quite enjoyed it and I hope to do it more in the future (with her or with others, or both). I have been repeatedly rejected by women who refused to date "newbies," which I still do not understand. I have also been solicited by a number of couples who wanted to be able to fuck the same girl. I have turned all of these people down. My sexuality is not a stereotype or a trope. I am a person, not a trophy.

I do not believe in a god. Not only that, I genuinely believe there isn't one. I am not agnostic. However, I'm not manic about it. I don't require that you disbelieve in any gods. I don't really care about gods or religion. It has little to do with my life. I make my choices about right and wrong based on the good or harm they cause, to others and/or myself. I am not lacking a moral compass just because I don't believe in a deity. In fact, I believe my choices are more moral and more guided by principle now than they ever were when I was a Christian. Additionally, disbelief in an afterlife has inspired me to do more with my life. I know this is all the time I have. I refuse to save up my great acts for some promised heaven. I intend to do good with my life, not hope for better after death.

I am a feminist. I know that women continue to be treated as inferior to men, in both personal and professional situations. I despise the culture I live in that encourages rape, reduces men's sexuality to that of a wild animal, and exalts the virgin as some sort of demigod. I am the victim of multiple sexual assaults, as nearly all women are. I am furious that this is the case. I hate that we live in a world where "no" may mean no, but silence means yes. I hate that women are seen as meek, caring, quiet, creative creatures while men are seen as strong, aggressive, outgoing, analytical ones. I hate that people want to classify everyone as "male" or "female" and respond to them as such. I find it silly that many people take my interest in cars and the military to be indicators of masculinity. I find it equally silly they think men shouldn't wear skirts. I find men in skirts amazingly sexy. Yes, skirts, not kilts. Although I find men in kilts amazingly sexy too.

I am kinky. I like pain and domination, in a sexual way. I also find the community that has built up around these desires to be fairly incompatible with my views regarding feminism, so I am no longer active in it. This is an ongoing struggle for me. Luckily, I have found partners who continue to play with me in private settings, so I can keep this part of my life fulfilled.

I experiment with drug use. I used to be totally against illegal drugs of any kind. However, I spent my time in college in a dizzy haze of booze. I realized that the government's approval of mind-altering substances has nothing to do with their effect on my health. I have come to understand that drug use and drug abuse are not synonymous, and that certain substances can enhance or change your views of the world. I see these as positive, affirming, creative experiences. I continue to refuse addictive drugs like heroin and cocaine, because I am aware that I am the type of person who can easily become addicted. If I feel that I have explored my mind and surroundings as much as I can, I may stop using drugs. I may not. I don't understand why they are illegal.

This list is not exhaustive, but represents the greater part of the things about myself I have kept from people. Mostly I have not lied. Mostly I have been vague or silent. I have often told myself I was protecting you by these actions, sheltering you from difficult truths you were unprepared to handle. I was truly protecting myself, but it was a comfortable lie to tell. In doing this, I have underestimated you. I have devalued your intelligence and empathy. I have not given you credit for being able to make the same choices I have made. For that, I am sorry.

I want you to know that I have not made my choices easily or lightly. Some of the things I described above I cannot change. Some of them were incredibly painful to realize. Please understand me: these things are important and I have considered their ramifications carefully.

And that's why I am scared. I fear rejection, as all humans do. I fear judgment from those I love. I fear violence from those I know poorly who find my life to be unacceptable.

But it's important to me to be open, honest, and transparent. I will employ this policy in ALL aspects of my life. I will never force you to talk about these topics, but I will not lie or be vague if they come up. If you ask me about them, I will answer honestly.

I hope that this will deepen the connections I have with people who are important to me. I hope that you will love me more, not less, for saying these things, for making known these truths. This is the real me. Not that person you thought you knew before. Not the image I have let you believe was real. This one.

I respect that this is not everyone's wish. To that extent, if you have ties with me and you fear the things I fear by being associated with me, I will protect you. If you are a close friend or family member and you need me to be quiet about these things for the sake of your job, your friends, your community, or something else important, I totally will. My choices are not your choices, and I will not force them on you. If you are my client and you want me to just please do the job you're paying me for and not mention the rest of my life, that's completely acceptable. You won't hear from me about my personal life.

But you know now, and I know you know. And I will stop hiding. I will stop lying. I will stop pretending.

From now on, I will simply be. And I hope you will love me for it.

Taming the Green-Eyed Monster: Tips for Those Considering Polyamory

Photo courtesy of Alyssa L. Miller

For people who have been monogamous and are considering opening their relationship, a major concern is jealousy. It's the most common question posed to people who are poly. How do we deal with jealousy? Do we feel jealousy?

Of course, everyone feels jealousy. Monogamous people feel jealousy. Everyone gets jealous. People feel jealous of their siblings, of their coworkers, of their friends; it's not limited only to romantic relationships. So of course, people who are poly get jealous, just like everyone else.

Thus people who are poly come up with mechanisms to handle jealousy in the context of romantic relationships. These are probably unique, and different from the way monogamous people handle jealousy. So if you are monogamous and thinking of opening your relationship and you're concerned about jealousy that's a very good start. You're already thinking about it. You're anticipating it. So here are some tips that you might employ to deal with it.

My best advice is to prevent or reduce jealousy before it even starts. This can be done by, early on, having discussions about what will help you not feel jealous in the first place. Try to do this before either of you has any actual, specific interest, so you're not thinking about a specific person. You're just thinking in general, hypothetical terms. And try to focus on statements of doing instead of statements of not doing. What your partner doesn't do with someone else is an endless list. You can't cover everything and you'll be upset with yourself when they do something you forgot to mention, and you'll quickly have to write it in. So try to stay away from the "do nots" and focus on the "dos."

Some examples of a "help me not feel jealousy" list could be:

• I would like to know the name of the person that you are going out with before the date.
• Before you have sex, I would like for your partner to have negative test results six months or more recently for all major STIs and not have had any new partners in that time. (Sex safety is a very important thing to people who are poly!)
• I would prefer that you meet in public when you start your date.
• I would prefer to meet your potential dates before you go out with them.

Having that list already made before the date (write it down if you need to!) can give you reassurance that your partner is providing the things that you need to help minimize your stress.

There is an idea I think a lot of monogamous people have, because they've only been in monogamous relationships, of themselves sitting at home on their couch, bored and jealous, while their partner goes out and has the best sex of their life. I'm sure that that happens. I know that it does; I have been in that situation myself. But the reality is that, when you are seriously involved with more than one person, you become very, very busy, and you forget that your partner is on a wonderful, fulfilling, sexually charged date with someone else, because you are too busy doing the thing that you are doing and really enjoying.

So before either of you starts dating someone else, start doing some things on your own. Do these things separately, not as a couple. I know it's very easy to fall into "couple habits" when you are partnered up. But get your own hobbies that don't involve that other person. Join a sports team, or play board games with other people, or join a karaoke league or quilting club, and do not include your partner. Specifically exclude them from that activity. And then deliberately try to schedule their dates with other people during that time. So your partner has their dates with other people while you are at your karaoke league and you have your dates with other people while they're at their racquetball game. Because when you are sitting around dwelling on your jealousy, you're feeding it and making it stronger. When you're actively engaged in doing something you enjoy, with people you enjoy doing it with, you won't have very much attention to devote to the fact that your partner is out with someone else. And, if it does occur to you, you won't have much time to think about it before you need to think about something else. This is not smothering it and it's not quashing it. It's just not allowing you to dwell on it and make it any bigger.

But as I said, you are going to feel jealousy. It might come up when you don't expect it--maybe not when your partner is on that date. So when it does come up, sit with it. Acknowledge it. Realize that this is happening and it's real. And it's okay. You can either embrace the feeling, or you can confront it, or you can just mull it over, but don't ignore it. And try not to feed it. Try not to go down a spiral of imagining all the things that your partner is doing with someone else, because that is only going to make things worse. Remember that you have felt jealousy before and survived it. You have felt this before; this is not a new emotion. And you have felt it with people that you are still on good terms with. You've felt it with your family members or friends or coworkers. This will turn out okay too.

It seems a lot of people who are monogamous have some very rigid ideas of what they think will cause their jealousy. They think this because they haven't actually been in these situations. They say things like, "Well, I would have no problem if my husband fell in love with someone else, I just can't abide the thought of him spending a Saturday night in someone else's bed," or, "I would be fine with my girlfriend kissing someone, but I just don't want her to suck anybody else's cock," or, "You know, I'm totally okay with my boyfriend having all the sex he wants with all the people he wants, but I can't imagine what would happen if he watched Game of Thrones without me." And the truth is, you're wrong. Maybe those things really would set you off, but things you never even considered will set you off too, and you won't know until you encounter them. It may be that, in fact, waking up and having to make breakfast alone maybe is the biggest deal you could have possibly encountered and suddenly you're consumed with jealousy about it. Maybe it never occurred to you before.

Right now, you might say something like, "Oh, I can't imagine having Christmas without my partner." But at some point you may be passionately and deeply in love with someone else and very committed to them, and you may prefer then to spend Christmas with their family, learning about where they came from. And you may be happy for your partner to spend that same holiday with another person, having a similar experience.

So having a set script of what will and will not make you jealous is just completely unrealistic. You need to realize that it's going to come up, and it's going to happen over things you didn't expect, and you can mitigate it beforehand by having some agreements and some idea of what is going to happen, and by keeping yourself busy when things that are likely to produce jealousy are happening. And remember that, at some point, the situation is going to be reversed. At some point it's going be you going on a first date with someone, having the excitement of the first time you have sex, and it's going to be your partner who is dealing with how they feel about that.

So keep those things in mind when you're on both sides of this equation, and behave in ways that are respectful toward each other. Make sure you're doing what your partner needs. Just because it wouldn't bother you doesn't mean it won't bother them. Avoid those things you know will bother them as much as possible.

And finally, the idea that sharing your partner's body or heart with another person makes you vulnerable to having them stolen from you is completely ridiculous. If the person you are with is the type of person who will leave you for someone else, they are going to do that no matter what kind of relationship you are in, whether it's monogamous or polyamorous. And if they are not that person they are not going to do that, regardless of the type of relationship you are in. You need to trust that you know what type of person they are. If they are the type of person to leave you for someone else because they think that person is better, then you should go ahead and face that now, because they will. And if they are not the type of person to leave you for someone else, then have faith that that is not going to happen any more in a polyamorous situation when they love someone else deeply than it is when it's just the two of you. Trust in their commitment to you and their love for you, and know that they will behave in a committed and loving manner toward you, regardless of the circumstances.

Regarding the War on Women

Recently, Ohio and Texas made national and international headlines when women's rights once again came to the forefront of state legislatures.

In both of these states, a woman's right to choose what happens to her own body is under attack. In Texas, conservatives seek to cut funding to family planning clinics statewide, limit the time a woman has to choose to terminate a pregnancy from 24 weeks to 20, and force doctors who perform abortions out of business.

In Ohio, the GOP has not only defunded family planning clinics and rape crisis counseling centers, but has redefined "pregnant" in such a way as to outlaw many types of safe, effective birth control, such as IUDs.

Disguised as "protecting women's health" or "protecting unborn children," these laws are actually legislation designed to punish women who have recreational sex.

The double standard when it comes to sex laws is so staggeringly ugly it's no surprise that women legislators have begun to fight dirty.

Stop and think about the state of reproductive health care in the U.S. Under the Health Care Reform Act, employers are required to provide health insurance for their employees. Religion-drenched organizations like Hobby Lobby wish to deny their workers access to birth control. Sadly, they now have that ability. However, under the same health plans that deny women access to contraception, men can get pills for erectile dysfunction.

So women cannot get medicine that, in addition to preventing pregnancy, can help regulate uncontrolled bleeding, stabilize mood, reduce the severity of skin disorders, and prevent cancer. Men, however, can get pills that offer little benefit other than allowing them to have sex.

The message: if you are a man, it is your right to have as much sex as you want, regardless of the consequences. It's a matter of health. But if you are a woman, you may only have sex in order to make babies, and any other sexual activity should be punished in the harshest manner possible. By having sex, you risk forfeiting your life and health. Sex is a right for men only.

Does this infuriate you as much as it infuriates me?