tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post8843571817876008076..comments2015-11-24T19:03:34.870-06:00Comments on Real Love: Consent--No is Less Important than YesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04890126225302511827noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-59855529848958507732013-11-15T13:55:37.061-06:002013-11-15T13:55:37.061-06:00As I said above, people rarely say, "No, I do...As I said above, people rarely say, "No, I don't want to have sex with you." When we don't voice our consent, things can get messy and fuzzy, and it can be hard to know whether someone wants to have sex with you. Imagine a man lying on top of a woman, and she's kissing him deeply and passionately, but making no moves to remove his clothes. Is she consenting to sex?<br /><br />I disagree about some of your points regarding who can and cannot give consent. Minors and people under threat obviously cannot consent, but being under the influence of drugs or alcohol doesn't inherently remove a person's ability to consent (or request consent). I have very explicitly requested and given consent while under the influence of multiple substances. It's possible.<br /><br />With that said, it's probably not a good idea to have sex with someone for the first time if one of you is altered and you didn't negotiate things beforehand. If you're ever unsure, decline. You can always come back to things when you're sober. Or sometimes you can't, because you only had that one opportunity, in which case you really haven't lost that much.<br /><br />As far as nonverbal consent, it definitely can be given, but what do you have to lose by asking for explicit, verbal consent as well? Really, I'm curious. Even if a person has just put a condom on you and straddled you, how is saying, "You really want to fuck me, don't you?" making anything worse?<br /><br />As for your last line, I wasn't talking about reluctant consent. Enthusiastic consent isn't about wheedling a yes out of someone. It's about ensuring the person you're fucking really wants to fuck you too. It's about breaking the notion of indifference as desire. It's about taking any sign of confusion, reluctance, or indifference as a message to stop, not barge ahead as long as she doesn't say no.<br /><br />In short: you're right, consent can be given without words, and sometimes the word "yes" doesn't actually mean "I want to fuck you." But those should be exceptions, not standard practice.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04890126225302511827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-18319319513514394572013-11-05T13:24:33.454-06:002013-11-05T13:24:33.454-06:00Consent is more complicated than just yes. No is s...Consent is more complicated than just yes. No is simple, it means no consent, end of story. Yes doesn't mean yes, and the absence of yes doesn't mean no. <br /><br />Yes doesn't mean yes if you are underage or intoxicated or are threatened or under the influence of drugs. The absence of yes doesn't mean no if you actively participate; you remove your clothes and put a condom on his penis. <br /><br />Consent can be given without yes, and conversely being told yes is not sufficient for consent to be present.<br />Pressed Rat and Wart Hoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11418120533084618456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-37932017814957675972013-11-04T08:27:44.197-06:002013-11-04T08:27:44.197-06:00Many people don't ask for consent just because...Many people don't ask for consent just because they think it kills the mood. They skip right over discussing what's okay out of fear of being thought of as prudish or weak. Consent CAN be sexy, and I want to stress that fact to those individuals.<br /><br />As for the false yes, that's an entirely different conversation. However, I very much doubt that a false yes with enthusiasm is common. And for women who have been threatened or coerced into saying yes, I'm confident there was, at first, a denial of consent. Only when that denial was ignored did they say something different.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04890126225302511827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-91944560060454840802013-11-03T14:58:43.079-06:002013-11-03T14:58:43.079-06:00"What could be sexier than whispering in your..."What could be sexier than whispering in your partner's ear all the things you want to do, and asking if they're ready to do them?"<br /><br />Why must consent be made sexy? Why should we need to "sexify" a basic human right?<br /><br />Also, women can say yes when they're intoxicated or otherwise drugged, or they can say yes when they fear retribution or disappointment from men. These situations constitute rape, do they not? Enthusiastic consent is nice but not at all panacea (and I realize you don't present it as one, I just think that needs to be pointed out)Joehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16026030959430517467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-31574643234079851802013-11-01T17:18:58.760-05:002013-11-01T17:18:58.760-05:00Thanks for the praise and the invite!
I'll co...Thanks for the praise and the invite!<br /><br />I'll consider your invitation. What I write about is far more sex than kink. I'm not sure my content is truly appropriate for your site.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04890126225302511827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-87467522042773659182013-11-01T14:09:46.516-05:002013-11-01T14:09:46.516-05:00Right on! Perfection. I'd love you to check ...Right on! Perfection. I'd love you to check out my new site if you're interested, maybe you could contribute sometime: www.ABCsOfKink.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6741193831537560682.post-53250495065938620482013-11-01T13:33:33.780-05:002013-11-01T13:33:33.780-05:00Well done, excellent article. Well done, excellent article. Running Into The Sunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05160419120912834220noreply@blogger.com